Flipkart Leaderboard

Thursday, May 19, 2011

of crocodiles, fart-rooms and the like

People who watched last night's Pune Vs KingsXI IPL match evidently missed a lot on Zee Cinema.

Shashi Kapoor(SK) and Shatrugnan Sinha(SS) fight a foreigner thug each(oh wait..they are just UP bhaiyyas in blonde Wigs and a lot of cuticura) with their bhabhi strapped to a curiously designed chair. Its a marvellous piece of furniture you know, that comes with a wirefree bomb, which waits to be activated-and thus fulfill its destiny-with the touch of a button by the tech-savvy villian, Shakaal.

Bhabhi's white sari betrays her relationship status.Evidently,the people involved are avenging the death of her husband.The hall, meanwhile, is getting filled with 'zehreela gas', as Shakaal puts it.

Shakaal, as a matter of fact, is known for his standards of personal grooming. Clean shaven face, skinhead,neatly done eyebrows and all.If there was any indian male doing his eyebrows in the 80's,that was Shakaal.Waxed hands? No,Cant be sure-He wore long-sleeves that day.

While the blonde wig waale bhaiyyas engage SK and SS, Amitabh Bhachan(AB) is set to perform the most daring feat of them all- fight a crocodile in the underground pool which is specially designed for such purposes. Second by second, the croc gets humiliated as AB plays such games as 'I have my hands around your mouth and you cant open it' and 'I've caught your tail buddy, and I'm twisting it'.  All 3 of SS,SK and AB fully immersed in their activities, leave Shakaal and bhabhi in the company of each other. Now, since bhabhi with her age and uni dimensional fashion sense is clearly a turn-off, a rape can be ruled out. On top of it, Shakaal appears gay. He is caught throwing glances as SK's shirt gets wet from the fight.
Finally, all is well - the thugs black out, Croco gets killed by accident, and Shakaal gets shot, the last two in acts of rage by AB( he's called the angry young man for nothing, you see). SS and SK, the real sidekicks get a share too. They aim for Shakaal's hands and shoulders, maiming him as AB gets his look in, and produces a straight shot, which any doctor would agree, damaged the left ventricle beyond repair.

Now all 4 pray peacefully for Shakaal's impending death, while he crawls slowly and touches something metallic.
Is it a gun?
Is it a bomb?
No, its the fucking self-destruction button, you idiots!

Dust falling from the roof and an earthquake like shake tell AB(the most intelligent of the lot) that its the time in Hindi movies for the party to make a quick escape. As they run away, the Bhabhi does her part, crying out loud as boulders continue to land inches from her feet.At the door that parts sideways with the turn of a valve, they finally meet the leading ladies in gypsy costume.Both fresh from getting rid of Shakaal's cohorts through the customary 'We'll-not-show-much-skin,and-no-bodytouchings-please' brand of cabaret dance. AB and SK hug their ladies; proximity of the bhabhi prevents further display of affection.
They all fly away, with AB manning a helicopter within a few seconds of first seeing it. Below them, Shakaal's dungeon breathes its last before turning into a ball of fire.

The End.

I once prayed for the bloody Doordarshan guys to play 'Shaan' again soon, because I had my exams and was not allowed to complete it the last time. AB and SK flying a helicopter was way too cool back then.15 years back.
Before the Sylvester stallones and Angelina Jolies came home though StarMovies and corrputed me
for life.
Guess who's a fan of Shakaal!

3 comments :

  1. Another well written post. :) Its always fun to read through your blog. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks guys..I rarely read the comments section. So pardon me for the late reply. :)

    ReplyDelete